Saturday, August 25, 2012

Babies 12,13,14, and 15

Mason aged into a fine young man. He still kept that shaggy look of his that drove me crazy. He had a great sense of humor, but it got him in trouble constantly. He loved to pull pranks on the entire family.

Calista became a beautiful teenager. She continued to grow her silky blue hair and braided it almost everyday. She loved romantic films and was definitely a little boy crazy.

Violet was a bubbly little girl and definitely had the same personality as her sister Primrose. She had curly, light purple hair that she tied into a pony tail. She had a love for ballet and was constantly practicing. 

Liam looked almost exactly the same as his sister except he had my blue eyes. He took after Mason and was constantly getting into trouble. The two of them would sneak around the house all day long "spying" on the rest of us. They definitely had a great bond going.

Having only four kids in the house, it was getting kind of lonely(believe it or not). I had taken a rather long break from my challenge when Prim got sick, and it had been quite awhile since I had been pregnant. One of my best friends, Becks Best, suggested I use the sperm of Robin Moreno. He had a darker shade of blue hair and beautiful light blue eyes(and the cutest nose!)

Later in the afternoon as I was watching TV, I felt my new cat Snowy brush against my leg. I had recently adopted him from Matthew's mother Calista Smith. She always had the cutest cats! Snowy had only been here for a few days, but he was already part of the family. Violet was most attached to him. She absolutely adored animals. When I brought him home she was ecstatic. I picked him up and gave him a little kiss. 

"Are you cheating on me with a cat?" I heard Matthew ask. He smirked. 

I giggled. "Obviously", I replied sarcastically.

He pulled me in for a kiss. "Put something pretty on tonight." He said. "I'm taking you out.  It's been so long since we've actually been on a date."

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"You'll just have to wait and see." He winked at me and started to leave the room.

"Wait! What about the kids?"

"I've already paid Mason and Calista twenty dollars each in advance. They'll watch them."

"I take it you've already planned everything?" I smiled.

"Nah, this is all spontaneous!" Now he was the sarcastic one.


"Are your eyes still closed?" Matthew asked me for the tenth time.

"Yes! They're still closed. Where in the world are we?" I asked.

"Just a few more seconds and you'll see." He paused. "Now open your eyes!" A huge smile was on his face.

I followed his gaze and saw a small table on the edge of a hill. There was a single candle placed in the middle along with two servings of what looked like grilled salmon. The whole atmosphere was perfect.

He took my hand and led me to the table. I watched as he pulled the chair out for me to sit and I smiled to myself. This was going to be a lovely night. 

When we both were seated Matthew spoke. 

"So, do you like it?" He asked with a hopeful expression.

"It's beautiful Matthew. Thank you." I flashed him a smile.

"I'm glad." 

We began to eat and I have to say, it was the best salmon I have ever had in my life. It was cooked perfectly and was seasoned with the tastiest spices. We talked while we ate, mostly about the kids because that's really what our lives are all about. 

"You really look beautiful tonight." Matthew exclaimed.

"Thank you." I blushed. He continued to look at me when a sudden look of excitement spread across his face.

"Oh! I just remembered! One of my friend's at the office told me to encourage you to write a book about being a challenge mother. I thought it was a great idea! What do you think?" 

Matthew had recently got a job in journalism down at Doo Peas Corporate Towers.He insisted on getting a job since he is living with me. He loves to write and is very good at it. He also loves to travel so his job is mainly about exploring new places and writing about them for the newspaper. His job requires him to  travel often, but we haven't had to deal with that problem yet. I'll miss him when he does leave for work, but I'll support him no matter what. He loves his job.

I thought about what I had just heard. "It sounds like a good idea, but do you think I can write a book?" I asked.

"I think you have the potential to be a great writer." Matthew replied.

"You think so? I mean, it would take quite a while to write with the kids and all." I explained.

"True, but there isn't a deadline to write a book. You could work on it whenever you have free time. I'd help you too." Matthew persuaded.

I thought more about it. "I would actually love to publish a book. It would bring in more money which we need, and it would give me a chance to experience something new. I'll do it!" I said enthusiastically.

"Great! I'll call my co-worker. He's an editor and I'm sure he'd love to help you get started."

We finished eating and talked for awhile more until it got very dark. Matthew stood up from the table and grabbed my hand. He laid down in the grass and patted the ground next to him, gesturing for me to sit there beside him. I sat down and we gazed at the stars for what seemed like hours. The stars looked like beautiful diamonds filling the night sky. My mother always told me that stars were light seeping from heaven. I still believed her too. It was a comforting thought that heaven wasn't too far away.

When we got back home later that night, all of the kids were asleep(including the teenagers!). There were toys scattered across the living room, but the dishes were placed in the dishwasher and I saw leftovers in the fridge. Calista must have cooked herself. I thought. I walked into my room and and pulled open the drawer to my dresser. I changed into my pajamas and climbed into bed. A few minutes later I felt Matthew's body next to mine. I felt safe. I then drifted off to sleep.


A few days later I gave birth to my first set of quads. Lucy, Becks, Cecelia, and Robbie. Lucy means "light." Becks was named after one of my best friends. Cecelia means "blind one." Robbie is derived from Robert and means "famous."

Friday, August 17, 2012

Only The Good Die Young: Part 4 of 4

Six Months Later

It was a cool morning. The birds were chirping and the wind blew my hair out of my face.  I walked into the cemetery and knelt down by the small grave. I brushed off the layer of dirt that had gathered on the top. It had been two months since I had been here. 

I placed a bouquet of red flowers to the side. The older ones had long since wilted and were still laying where I had left them before. I choked up like I do every time I visit, but this time I didn't fight back the tears. I let one roll down my cheek. Every day I thought about her. There wasn't a day that went by when I didn't. It was hard, I won't lie. The first few weeks were the worst. Especially her funeral.

 I remembered that day oh so clearly. I had broken down. Matthew had fallen to the ground with me, sobbing. The kids didn't understand what had happened. I didn't have the courage at the time to explain it to them. They just knew that their sister was gone. It was hardest on Calista. She lost her sister, her other half.

I stared at her grave and sighed.
"I miss you Prim." I whispered. I truly did too. The house felt so empty without her there anymore. The kids birthdays were coming up soon and I couldn't help but think what she would have looked like in her teen years. It pained me to think that I would never know.
"You know, Prim, Calista has started writing a book about you. Mason pinned a picture of a primrose on his boy scouts uniform. All of his friends make fun of him, but he still proudly wears it for you. Violet and Liam draw pictures of you constantly. Your father..." I always talked to her like she was still there, telling her what has happened recently. It calmed me for some odd reason. It was as though I thought she could hear me.

I knew that it would be years before I accepted what had happened. Even then, though, I would still be angry that I couldn't control it. Who could ever imagine losing a child? I felt empty inside, like I was missing something. I didn't know what to do about that feeling. Would it ever go away? I know people always say they find relief through closure. How exactly would I find closure in this situation? I let another tear roll down my cheek.
"Prim, sweetheart, I just need to know that you're safe and happy." I started to cry, and that's when I saw it.

A blue butterfly flew over and landed on my hand. I couldn't help but smile. I started to cry again except this time they were tears of pure joy. I hadn't felt this happy in months.

Note: I'm sorry for how short this post was. I know there are only six pictures, but I was just happy that I finally found time to write it. I was also a little eager to get back to having babies :)

Friday, August 10, 2012

Only The Good Die Young: Part 3 of 4

10 Months Later

I awoke to a loud ringing noise. It was about two thirty in the morning. I tossed and turned and finally put a pillow over my head to silence the noise. I heard someone walk into the room but ignored it. I was about to drift off to sleep again when I felt someone nudging me.

"Chloe. Chloe. You have to get up. It's Primrose." Matthew whispered urgently (If you're wondering what he's doing at my house at this hour, he moved in awhile ago because he was practically living here already). I shot up.
'What's wrong?" I asked stricken with panic.
"Dr. Stevens says we need to come down to the hospital as soon as possible."
"Why? What's wrong? What did he say?" I rambled.
"He just said it was urgent and to get here as soon as possible." I jumped out of bed, threw on some clothes and tied my hair back. I knew I shouldn't have, but I put Calista in charge. Even though she was only nine, I knew she would be responsible. Matthew and I practically dove into the car to get to the hospital.


By the time we got to the hospital the first signs of morning were creeping their way through the window. We practically stumbled in the doors and Dr.Stevens was there waiting for us. He ran over.
"What's wrong?" Matthew and I both said.
"Primrose starting coughing up blood very early this morning. We weren't sure why, so on your way over I ordered an X-Ray and put a rush on the results. I took a look at them myself." He said
"And?" I pushed.
He sighed. "The cancer has spread to her liver."

"Oh God." I choked out before going weak in the knees. Matthew saw I was about to pass out and he grabbed me.
"It's okay." He soothed.
"You keep saying that, but it's not." I whispered. I turned again to face Dr.Stevens.
"How did this happen? She was doing so well." I choked out. "She was getting better..."
"Things like this happen all the time. Most of the time they are unpredictable. That's the way caner is. We can't do anything about it." He responded.
"What do we do now?" I pleaded.
He sighed once again, something I had grown to expect bad news to follow.
"I can't do anything more." He answered sadly.
"W-what do you mean?!" I panicked.

"I'm not qualified to perform the surgery that she needs. The tumor has wrapped itself fully around her liver and connects to her left kidney. I've never seen anything like this. It's dangerous. It will kill her if not taken care of immediately. When I mean I'm not qualified to do it, I mean I've never done it before. It's a very risky surgery."
"So, what do we do?" Matthew asked.
"There's a doctor in Hidden Springs who's performed this surgery only twice. It's an experimental procedure, but it's all we have left. He would remove the entire tumor."
"Twice?!" I shouted. "He's performed it twice? How many people have lived?" I asked.
"Only one. The one that lived has many critical needs. I will say again though, it's her only chance of survival." Dr. Stevens replied sympathetically.
"It's really the only option? What could happen to her?" Tears were pouring down my cheeks.
"Yes, it is. If the tumor isn't removed soon, her liver will fail which will kill her. If you take her to Hidden Springs, she will have a chance, but a number of things could go wrong during the surgery. She could bleed out, she may not wake up from the anesthesia, anything could go wrong. If she doesn't have this surgery, she'll die anyway."
Let's do it." I said. "It's all she has left." I felt Matthew's hands around my waist which comforted me. He kissed my cheek and I let out a slight smile. I knew the odds were against us, but I was willing to risk anything to have her stay with me.


Matthew and I were discussing the details of the surgery with Dr.Stevens in his office when a voice boomed over the loud speaker.
"Code Blue fourth floor. Code Blue fourth floor." I looked at Matthew and bolted out the door. Primrose was on the fourth floor. I heard foot steps hitting the floor behind me and I knew Matthew was coming after me. I got to the the doorway of her room and saw her passed out with doctors surrounding her bed. I let out a small cry. I tried to run in but felt arms grab me around the waist holding me back. It was Matthew.

"Let me go!" I screamed.
"Don't let her in that room!" I heard Dr. Stevens yell from down the hallway. He had caught up to us and ran into Primrose's room. I saw him close the door in front of me and I lost it. The grip Matthew had on me tightened and I fell to the floor in tears. He stroked my hair and wiped the tears that were streaming down my face. I looked into his eyes and saw the fear that was in them.
I heard the commands Dr.Stevens was yelling in her room and the tears started to increase. Five minutes later he came out the door.
"She's alive. She's barely there, but she's alive." He said.
I ran into her room brushing past him and sat by her bedside.

I started sobbing again when I saw her limp body laying on that hospital bed. I kneeled down and I prayed, something I hadn't done in a long time.
"Please God, please help her. I've never asked for anything before, so please help me now. She's just a child. She doesn't deserve this. No one deserves this. She hasn't even started her life yet. She needs to live. You need to let her live. Please. Please..." I sobbed. Matthew came in to comfort me. He held me in his arms and we just looked at her. Still unconscious from being resuscitated minutes before.
Dr. Stevens came in a few minutes later to speak to us. You could tell by his face that this was the end.
"She's going to die isn't she?" I weeped. My face was bright red and my cheeks were stinging with tears.
"The only thing that could have helped her is that surgery. It takes two days to get to Hidden Springs from here. She's.." He paused. "She's not going to make it over night. I-I'm so so sorry. You need to prepare yourself." He gently shut the door and I broke down. Matthew couldn't get me off the floor. By now it was late afternoon.

The rest of the day went by in a daze. I sat on the couch in her room watching the doctors run in and out every time her heart stopped. What's the use? I though. It's not going to help. They had her in a medically induced coma so she wouldn't be in any pain. That was comforting, knowing she wasn't hurting. Late at night, Dr. Stevens came in with a few papers.
"What's this?" Matthew asked. He had been answering all of the questions because I had been unresponsive.
"It's stating that the next time her heart fails, to..." Dr. Stevens started.
"To.. let her die?" Matthew asked.
Dr. Stevens sighed. "Yes. We could keep resuscitating her, but it's not going to keep her alive forever. Even though she's asleep, her body is still surged with electricity which is painful. With her being asleep, she's not aware of it. We could take her out of the coma to say your good byes, but the next time her heart fails..." He stopped. "This is all up to you."
Matthew glanced at me. I nodded my head slowly. A tear rolled down my cheek. I then gazed into space. Matthew took the paper and sighed it and Dr.Stevens prepared a drip that would wake her up. It would take awhile, but it would wake her up.

About an hour later, she woke up and cringed in pain. I felt myself beginning to cry again and I stopped myself. I couldn't do this now. Her eyes were barely open when we stood by her bed. She smiled up at us.
"Hi." She rasped out.
"Hi sweetheart." Matthew said. I leaned down by her bed and smiled at her.
'How are you feeling?" I asked.
"I hurt all over." She whimpered. I stroked her cheek.
"It's okay sweetheart. You're going to be okay." I choked out.
"Daddy?" She asked.
'Yes?" Matthew answered coming to the side of her bed.
"Can you read me a story?"
"Of course." He pulled out a book on a shelf in her room. It was her favorite. While he read to her I went into the bathroom to wash my face. I needed a break.

I splashed cold water on my face and tried to calm down. How could I though? I was going to lose my child. I took a few deep breaths. I knew right now I was already broken. I also knew that I was going to fall apart even more after tonight. I just couldn't wrap myself around it right now. It was surreal. I sat in the corner of the bathroom and thought about everything. I thought about all the memories I had of her and so many images floated into my mind...

I smiled at the wonderful memories we had made and prepared myself to make some new ones...


She smiled when I walked back into the room. I glanced at the monitor next to her bed and I choked up once again. She was getting weaker.
"Daddy finished reading me my book." She smiled.
"That's great Prim. Did you like it?"
"Of course I liked it. It's my favorite!" She was struggling to speak. I didn't want her to talk if it was difficult, but she insisted. She told me about all the wonderful friends she had made while at the hospital and how this one nurse would always sneak her an extra lollipop. It was good that she didn't know what was happening. She would have been scared.
She told me all of these stories she had made up when she couldn't sleep at night. She was such a creative child. She then told me that same butterfly came into her room again.
"It was beautiful mom. I wish you could have seen it." She told me. The three of us spoke for about an hour when she asked me a question.
"Mom? Are we going to Hidden Springs like you said we were?" She asked. By this time she could barely talk at all and she looked exhausted like the life was draining out of her. Even then, she stayed positive. I knew it was coming soon, but I tried to push that thought out of my head.
"Yes sweetheart. We're going to Hidden Springs. It's beautiful there. The grass is so green and soft. The skies are always blue and the clouds are big and white. There are these beautiful butterflies everywhere and there are kids like you that you can play with. Everyone there is so happy, honey. You're going to love it." I let a tear roll down my cheek.
"I want to see the butterflies." She whispered.
"You can Prim. You can see them the second you wake up. I promise. You'll be there the second you wake up."

What followed next destroyed me. The monitor let a one long and indefinite beep. Matthew grabbed me in his arms and held me close. There were tears in his eyes, but I knew he didn't want me to see. I was shaking uncontrollably and the tears were pouring down my face. I was like a faucet that couldn't be turned off. I didn't even realise what was happening when the they came in and took her body away. Matthew tried guiding me to the car to take me home, but it ended in him carrying me. I couldn't even walk. I kept thinking about how if we had known about that tumor earlier, would she be alive? Or would she had died anyway? How could she go from getting better, to dying in one day? How is the world this messed up?

Note: Please don't hate me :(